The telephonic conversations had lessened, to a great
extent. It even doesn’t make her nervous or unnerved anymore. She had to accept
what came her way because she was going against the tide, the laid down rules.
The change was inflicted not agreed upon. She would still hope against hope and
wait for a text or a call which had become a rarity. She couldn’t have lived
without him, so she thought but in actuality she had never met him, leave alone
living with him. It was love, just love, feeling of absolute liking for someone
who existed in flesh and blood for others but for her in the texts and calls.
Puchoo was ingrained, in every thought and every activity.
He was her world. She knew the huge age difference between them did not really
matter to her. She was elder to him by years. It was not a feeling of
desperation to be in love but simple admiration for a soul, so innocent, so
pure, so lively. He was a darling, a
sweetheart with a heart of gold, no not
a metal, but in the sense that his heart was bereft of any adulteration, he was
loved by his family and friends as much as her. He also was committed to his
family and job.
She was madly in love. Love not at first sight. She was
friends with him since three four years ago, but something clicked during one
of the conversations which became a regular affair over a period of time. Both nourished and nurtured the relationship
that no one else knew. Two people who
had never seen each other physically but the bond was as strong as the
umbilical cord.
The initial days were exciting, like she had fallen in love
for the first time. From the moment of waking up till late in the evenings,
they were in touch with each other. Every little thing in their lives mattered
to each other, or so she felt. He would share his college stories and she would
listen to it like mad. She would tell him about her friends and he would laugh
to glory. She was aware that a day will come when she had realize that a kid,
an adorable kid, will grow up to become a man, fend for himself, learn to live
and have a family. But as everyone, every human, she distanced herself from
thinking about what was in store. Thinking
from the heart not head. She was unable to reign in her feelings. It was love.
Puchoo still exists and she is in touch with him but things
have changed between them. Like they say, change is the only constant. She
would wait for his texts and calls and if he didn’t, she would console herself,
‘’maybe he is busy’’. She would talk to
herself, ‘’He cannot possibly be dangling in a
relationship that had no future other than a good degree of genuine
feelings as two different individuals can have for each other or as two human
beings with concern for each other. He was mature enough to understand it but he
is not at fault.’’
She badly wanted to stop, stop cribbing. But the
relationship she had spun with him needed to be shredded thread by thread. And
that needed time, patience and lot of courage. She didn’t have the courage to
forget him. Because she fell in love at a mellowed age. She never nagged after
a period of time. She had to be left to herself and he to himself. For her, it
was a herculean task because for her, he was the epitome of everything good. He
was to her a friend at times, a lover at others, an adorable kid some times and
a mature handsome man at others, a brother when she was emotionally disturbed
and a child when it came to his sweet demands. She felt at ease when the
connect between them was in tact, maybe she wanted the relationship to be
secure not routine. She did not want to impose anything on him. She wanted a
genuine relationship that maybe no one would understand. She never wanted anything
from him but a genuinity. Love turning into a burden becomes ugly and she
feared that. No she hated that.
She knew the time was ripe to leave it at that. Leave it as
beautiful as it was before anything ugly takes shape. She thought she freed herself from the bonding and him too. He
might have been successful but she failed. She still loves him. They are in
touch….but something is amiss. She misses him tremendously but keeps it to
herself and tries to get engrossed in some work to divert attention. And when
things become really difficult for her, she texts him or calls him up. This is
the way of the world… love doesn’t come easy and you always don’t get love when
you need it most.
