Lessons I learnt

Last week when I was accompanying Maa to the radiation sessions, I learnt new lessons in life. It was from the people who were there for radiation. It was from people who have battled with their lives in many phases. It was these people who have taken problems of life in theirstride. I learnt life was not just about living and dying, earning and spending, life was not about luxury and sumptuousness, not even about regaling and merrymaking. Life meant, to live every second of existence as it were the last moments.
The gathering in the waiting room was a mix of people from all ages. Most had come with one attendant and a majority was women who had a bandana tied to their head. Which meant they already had a surgery and a few chemotherapy sessions and were in the third and final phase of the treatment - radiation. Which also means these people have been fighting the disease for at least six months and have another month or so to bear the pain.

For some, the pain was visible. The women, all of them, had dark circles around their eyes.They were waiting for their turn to be called inside the radiation room. Like passengers in groups or alone, waiting for a train that  was scheduled on the platform anytime.
Till they were called in, they seemed to be chirpy, discussing things from cricket matches to Animal Planet (because the TV in the room was often switched on to Animal Planet or Discovery else cricket match!!)
I decided to talk to some patients in the five to seven days I went  with Maa, to know what they were going through and how thery were coping with the reaction.  Most of them startled me. They had an amazing sense of victory in them, they oozed confidence at the way they have come this long, they were too ready to share their story of `suffering'. Not an ounce of remorse in the words any of them had. They were in command of their lives and knew how to deal with any untoward situation. Even a teenager, who had a couple of sessions had pain in her throat but she was actually not bothered about that. She  was worried to leave for home early so that she can study for her exams. For a moment I thought about the little things that unnerve me - a little fight with the neighbour, a little lesser hike in the annual increment, a little delay in reaching a movie hall and the list is endless.And here these people were dealing with an eddy of problems, yet they were as calm as the deep sea.
Each of them had a different story to tell. But they were full of life though life was trying to sap energy and strength out of them. They looked happy in whatever state they were or pretended to be so. They took every day as a new day and a new beginning and were hopeful that they will soon be normal. I can just pray the Almighty for all those people in the world who are fighting a tough battle, and lend me some strength and determination that these people cling on to with belief and conviction.

You made an impression dear!

She was like any young girl looking for a job, not so seriously though, the day she appeared for the interview. She said she was here for her summer internship and I was supervising her. It came as a surprise to me since I never remembered her. In fact, I dont remember interns who are not exceptionally good at the job. So I shook my head as though I recollected but honestly, I didnt.

The day she finally joined, she came to me and wished me. Petite, happy-go-lucky, charming, very child-like, she was all of 22, right there in a newspaper office to make a career as a journalist. I noticed her for a long time that day. I was in fact silently admiring her for many things – she seemed so lively, bubbly, chirpy and full of life (naturally it was her first day in office and she would not be so well aware about the rigours of the profession till some time passed) and there are many more adjectives that I can attach to her personality. There were many others who had joined office much later than I joined way back in 1997, but I never felt this freshness in any newcomer's attitude. And in a short time she made a place in the office, as easily as a new book makes a place of its own in the bookshelf.

Not that she was a workaholic but she was serious about what she was doing. Since she knew she had to stay put in this office for some years at least, she made a diligent search for a house, a mess, a hostel and tried all of these to settle finally in a single room accommodation, shelling out a good sum of money. She was clear in her mind about what she wanted from this job and life. Her priorities were clearly defined. She bought a two-wheeler immediately, she possessed the bestest of cameras much ahead of getting the job because she knew she needed to be a good photographer along with being a journalist. She seemed to be aware of the happenings around the world to some extent, at least those things which the present day youngsters are so comfortable with, she was techno-savvy and knew how to fix her cell phone problems. As is normal for her age, she had a dedicated bunch of friends who were ready to help her house hunting and shifting from one to the other.

One day, I noticed a beautiful watch on her wrist and was keen to know the brand. Shocked at her revelation that it was a something not many of my ilk would invest money on, my mouth remained open for quite some time. But she was so happy with her new buy that there was no trace of regret on her face even when all of us made fun of her.

My colleagues were at times not so happy with the way she functioned – she is not the types to sit at one place to file a story. She keeps moving here and there with her cellphone and most confuse it to be her restlessness and lack of seriousness. But it was neither of it. She was okay in the work she did but not exceptional. You cannot expect a six month old journalist to give you a national headline . It was her way of working and she was ready to bring in changes in her style of working, provided she was told where she lacks and needs to improve. She is a learner and it will take some time to calm down, a quality quite unlikely to be seen in the present day youths.

I am also in awe of her because of the confidence she possesses and the way she handles her day to day problems. It is not easy to work in an alien city managing things on own. But she is a go-getter and is happy the way she is. ``I keep telling my friends that I work in the `coolest' of all newspaper offices,'' I have often heard her saying.

I had another reason to feel nice about her. She was nine years older to my daughter and I always felt a part of my daughter in her. Because, I have seen my daughter grow up with equal amount of restlessness and eagerness to explore the world around her. Like her, I can see my daughter being looked at with awe while trying to be her own self and adjusting in her office, some years from now.

I can only say this much that the young generation is responsible and we can be happy that the country has a lot of them.

Love lost, found and lost

An image, filled with life, brought alive

Imprints of yesteryears

That promised to keep lighting up

Moments of stillness and calm

An image, more of life, gave innumerable

Sleepless nights and slumber

Filled with dreams

Woven with fondness and chastity

An image, a fresh life, that reflected

Purity, piety and peace

 of early morning touch

filled with dewy affection

An image,  who defined life, and made

Words flow into reams of paper

Left the world meaningless

With a single denial

An image, live, that came back

As a gust of wind bringing

Loads of love

Suddenly felt lost, tryiing to find way

An image, losing sheen of life, lost hopes

Was left alone, tired and sick

Trying to gather pieces of life

Reasoning - why answer the volley of questions

Tommy needed a home & lots of love

The day I realised Tommy was being ill-treated which is why he is falling sick every now and then, I thought enough is enough. I needed to bail him out of this state. I could not rescue him since I was staying out of the house for over 7 hours. I kept thinking on what could be a plausible  solution to this never ending and ever haunting problem. I asked one of my friends to help me place an ad asking people to adopt him. But before taking this step I thought why not try Facebook which offers a chance to at least reach out to friends. And in all probabiIity, Tommy could get a home where he would be cared for and loved.

I immediately opened FB and stated just two lines as my status message, ``anyone interested to adopt a four year old Daschund who needs someone to take care of him and love him?’’ And in no time I got one immediate response from a very sweet friend of mine. There were others who sympathised but had similar problems like mine.  It felt nice just to know that there are still some people who care amd this world isnt as bad a place to live in as we think or conclude it to be.

But in this good world, there are real cruel people and I explain why i term them so. Tommy was brought to their house, hardly when he was 21 days old. I never saw him till a month or more because I wanted not to be attached to the little one. I am very fond of animals and it wont take time for me to bond with him. Though my eight year old daughter had already informed me of the new arrival. In fact i was I was worried at the first mention because I knew my neighbours who had brought him home  were not the animal loving kinds.  I already had fights with people who beat animals and ill treat them. It was Tommy’s owners who insisted I visit them and see him since they knew I was an animal lover. I resisted initially but gave in due to my daughter’s pestering.

The moment I stared at the small one I was in love with him. It had sparkling eyes and a black coat that was more shiny than the woman in the Sun Silk black ad. But what I didnt like was that it was tied with a chain too heavy for a two-month puppy. I requested the owners to leave it open and train him so that he doesnt move out of the house without being asked to. But they felt a dog is destined to be chained and kept only to guard the house. I had no say but I always got disturbed whenever I heard him barking or being beaten up. My daughter brought him to our house one day. He was not even able to walk properly since he looked pretty weak and as soon as I gave him some biscuit and milk, he ate it up as if he had not eaten since ages. The bond had begun to grow between us  - my family and Tommy – so much so that he has become a family member, visiting us every day four hours in the mornring and three in the evening. Sundays are his favourite since we all stay back at home and he spends the entire day with us.

There were times when my other neighbours informed me of the ill treatment meted out to the poor soul in our absence. Not only did the owner but his servant too beat Tommy at his whim. I tried to interfere once or twice but to no avail. Rather I was told that they dont like any kind of  interference in their family  matters.

So I wanted to give Tommy whatever he needed, a bath, a combing, food and even took him to the doc for vaccination.  In the four years, the owners kept going out to their son who was settled outside for months. The poor soul was left in the hands of the servant boy who never took care of him. They had two grandsons in between and Tommy’s plight became bad to worse. Whenever the grandsons were in their house, Tommy will be left outside the house for hours till I came back from office. They often told us they would give Tommy away to someone or leave him outside the house to move around with the strays.

Even when Tommy was seriously ill, they went to attend a marriage party leaving it with us to take him to the vet. That day,  I spoke to the owners of Tommy about his plight and that he needed to be cared well. But they flatly refused saying they had no intention of keeping the pet anymore and wanted me to take charge. Had I been staying at home, I would have loved to keep him but I am working and my house remains locked for 7 to 8 hours. How do I keep him alone in the house for such a long time. I decided I had to do something.  

Apart from the response on FB, I have got phone calls from more closer acquaintances and friends who wanted to know more about Tommy. Many expressed their desidre to visit us to see the dog so that  they might take him home. I know it will be difficult for me to give away my Tommy but there is no other way out.

But I am happy, there are friends who I can look up to in times of need. And also thankful that God let me know that He is there to give an answer to all our worries. Thank you all and thank God!

That fateful day

It was January 7. Just the beginning of a year. And the new year hangover was yet to die down. But deep within there was some unrest, may be divinely ordained for things to come. The fateful morning led us all to the family doctor to have Maa's check up done because of a mouth ulcer (in the tongue) that was showing no signs of healing. The ulcer was, as the doc said, fiercely staring. The last time, he had seen the same ulcer was two months back and he had assumed it to be a normal one that happens because of stress and strain. Not unlikely for Maa since she was tensed for something or the other at home.

She had retired as a school teacher and gave all her time to the home. All the more engrossed in making papa's life easy since he is almost bedridden post a spine surgery. At times, he is unable to walk even a step and its Maa who helps him urinate with the help of a bucket in the bedroom and then disposes it of in the toilet. And this happens at least thrice at the mid of night. Imagine, the amount of sleep she must be getting over all these nights!

We were asked to go for a smear test at the nearest hospital, the sooner the better, the doc warned. We were two of us with Maa, me and my brother, elder to me by a year and a half. Our heart sank. We feared the worst. Its normal, pretty normal to think negative when you are slightly well read and know about the repercussion of such wounds that dont heal despite medication for over a month. Homeopathy, allopathy, mouth washes and vitamin supplements – nothing worked.

The test was painful because the tongue was scrapped time and again to collect samples. Maa managed to bear it all. My brother went back home with Maa and I came back to office. The report was supposed to come in three hours. But there was so much of mixed reactions – one that suggested the reports would be normal and another that threatened of a carcinogenic ulcer, no idea whether benign or malignant. At one point I felt time should fly and at others I wished three hours should change into three years...and it actually made me feel like three years!!! with the eyes almost stuck on the watch. I was looking at the cell phone every second expecting my brother's call, and hours passed by. These hours were harrowing. I was in office and it was difficult to control the emotions.

The wait finally ended with a phone ring, it was my brother's. I took some time before picking up and gathering myself with all strength - to listen to the good or maybe the worse. It was the worse! It was Oral cancer but a biopsy was required to confirm. My brother wanted me to be right there with him at the hospital. But I was crying inconsolably even without realizing that I was in office, right in my desk with one my pages opened, half made. Two of my colleagues next to me didnt know what was wrong but yes, they knew something was really bad.

I left office and by the time I reached the doctor, thoughts and more thoughts crowded my mind. But reality had to be faced and I and my brother needed to be strong enough to face Maa and Papa, to convince them that we can fight it out together. At the moment, breaking the news to them was all the more important. We had to, sooner the better, since Maa had to be taken to an oncologist immediately. So both of us put up a brave face and reached home. It seemed, they had guessed it right but weren't ready to accept.

We knew a battle had just begun, Maa in the lead followed by all of us, her own and many, who were more than her own. And we decided to fight, a fight that had just begun, with the hope of coming up trumps, soon.